To spank or not to spank

25 Jun

I google searched “how do you discipline your child?” and it gave me about 35million sources.

As parent, do you get lessons about disciplining?  Are lessons necessary?

Do you rely on your parental instinct because the skill will just come out naturally once you’ve crossed the bridge?

Maybe you would say, “well, I was brought up by my parents like this so I will carry it on to my children.”

Sources say that there are different ways to disciplining a child – but the two major approaches to me is either to spank or not to spank.

I would like to share Dr. Phil’s Five Steps to Disciplining Your Kids.  I like his advice because he emphasized that we can discipline our kids without spanking.

1.  Committing Yourself

This is the same as saying – mean what you say.  If you tell your kid he or she’ll be punished for misbehaving, then you have to act on it.  Letting it pass without the punishment will make you less credible.  As result, your kid will do it again because he/she knows mama or papa will not punish me.

2.  Understanding your kid’s limitations

Don’t expect your kid to behave not within his/her capacity.  A child is always a child, prone to commit mistakes again and again.  Tendency is both of you will end up frustrated for not reaching a behavior that your child can’t do.

3.  Knowing what your kid values most

Blackmailing is not good; but sometimes it is effective when you use it to discipline a child.  What your child value may be a toy, a foodie, or more play time.  You can use it as reward even if not his/her birthday or as punishment by taking it away (a toy, for instance) .

4.  Letting your child understand the consequences

Be consistent with your rules.  Your child must understand what he/she gets as punishment to a certain behavior.  This way, your child knows you are serious and he/she is punished because he/she misbehaved.

5.  Stooping down to your child’s reasoning

Be in terms by which your child can understand.  Explain the reasons why he/she is being punished and the kinds of behavior that you want him/her to avoid.  Do not talk about behaving only when the misbehaving happens.  But talk with your child about it at proper times.

Let’s look at spanking as a way to discipline a child.  Those who oppose spanking, mostly child psychologists,  parenting experts or middle-class parents, reason out that spanking can cause emotional damage to a child.  Proponents to spanking, on the other hand, reference it as bible teaching that says “spare the rod and spoil the child”.  They believe that spanking if used appropriately can make a child a better person.  They argue the reasoning of some psychologists that those who experienced physical abuse in early life become violent persons later.

Others believe (as I do) that physically striking a child to discipline him/her is OK.  Not the kind of “striking” that that does physical or emotional harm.  Smacking, swatting or popping a hand is enough to send a message to the child that what he/she did was wrong.

How do you discipline your child?


Posted by on June 25, 2012 in Parenting



2 responses to “To spank or not to spank

  1. Anna

    June 28, 2012 at 2:31 am

    Hi, I found this very interesting, as a mum of 8 I seem to spend a lot of time reasoning (or trying to) with my kids. Depending on their mood at the time and mine we have varying levels of success! You are courageous to state your views on spanking because it is something people have such conflicting views about. Personally I am against physical ‘discipline’ although for some families it seems to ‘work’, this doesn’t mean however, that I haven’t been pushed to my limit on occasion and started to feel this was the only option left. For now I think we’ll stick with the ‘naughty step’ and I’m not too proud to admit that I regularly stoop to bribery! Not easy though is it!

    • hurtmenomore

      June 28, 2012 at 6:21 pm

      Hi, Anna. Actually, most of the time I bribed and half of the time i failed to “reward”. Maybe my son got tired of always claiming what I promised him. He knew then it was just to calm him down. After being subjected to physical ‘discipline’ by his father, I come to rescue by pacifying my son. I didn’t want him to hate his father and get affected emotionally.


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