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Category Archives: Marriage

Love and control

Loving me doesn't give you the right to control me

” Loving me doesn’t give you the right to control me.”

How far would you allow your partner to have control over your life?

Should there be love and pain, always?

Is it love if you are hurting someone? Will you still love if you are that someone?

Marriage is not a ticket to gain control over your partner’s life.

These are just a few thoughts that come to my mind about love and control.

Violence is most likely to happen when you let someone try to control you.  It is a sad thing you see it happening everywhere – in schools, on the street, movie and TV shows, even in workplaces, government – and my own home.

I had been told that I am partly to blame because I tolerated.  I pampered him; gave in to his wishes.  I let him control my life.  I let him abuse me. I let him because I love him.

But not anymore.  I now love myself more. I can’t allow tears to flow all the time. I have to love life.

Love myself and control my own life.

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Posted by on July 3, 2012 in Marriage

 

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Emotional abuse

Let me flashback a case of emotional abuse grabbed from The Oprah Winfrey Show:  Oprah investigates:  Emotionally Tortured Wife.  It happened in 2004 yet, but I feel it worthy to recall some tales of emotionally tortured wives because it would appease me that mine is not an isolated case.

This is the story of Kim and Eddie.

Kim and Eddie have been married for five years and have two young boys. They admit they need help. The name-calling, the degrading insults—Kim has hidden the emotional anguish she says Eddie puts her through on a daily basis. Kim says she has often wished it would get so bad that Eddie would turn physically violent—so she’d have “a reason to get out.” How does she feel about herself?

“I feel like the ugliest, most stupid person,” Kim says. “I feel like the worst mother in the world. I feel like I don’t deserve my children. I don’t feel like I’m worthy of love by anybody.”

Kim says she had been in previous abusive relationships, so when Eddie came along, she thought he would keep her safe.

“When I met him, I was happy,” Kim says. “I got a good job. I worked for two years and then everything went downhill after I miscarried. I think I felt like a failure.”

Eddie says that he did not believe that Kim was happy when she met him, and that she’s always had self-esteem issues.

We put cameras inside Kim and Eddie’s home. After watching the videotape of how he acted toward Kim, Eddie was nearly brought to tears. He had no idea his words were that devastating or that his wife was in so much pain.

“I love you, Kim,” Eddie says. “I’m sorry for hurting you and breaking your heart time and time again. I honestly didn’t realize. Thank you for pointing it out to me.”

Kim says she’s leaving the show not completely convinced Eddie will change. “I want him to take me seriously that I won’t put up with it anymore,” Kim says. “If I see on the plane ride home or in the hotel that he’s the same way, then I don’t know how it can be fixed.”

Dr. Susan Weitzman is a psychotherapist who specializes in emotional abuse and the author ofNot to People Like Us: Hidden Abuse in Upscale Marriages. She says that emotional behavior like Kim’s and Eddie’s is often kept a secret because the two usually have a “silent agreement” about the abuse.

“First, [the woman] buys into what the guy is saying,” Dr. Weitzman says. “She buys into [the emotional abuse], and it’s like a systematic erosion of self-esteem. He says she’s bad, and she says, ‘I guess I am.’ Ironically, that bonds them in some crazy kind of way. They both agree that it’s her fault. There’s the feeling of being ashamed and embarrassed, or maybe she’s hooked on hope, as I call it. She’s hoping he’ll change so if she doesn’t talk about it, maybe it will go away.”

I don’t know if Kim had gotten over the emotional abuse and “lived happily ever after” with Eddie.

 
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Posted by on June 28, 2012 in Marriage

 

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There is hope

So true!!

Reshared from Women’s Rights News

Note:

Dear Friends,

I try to update the Diary everyday.  Please come; allow me to share my life.  The Diary contains documentation of my sorrows (and happy moments, I hope) for 6 years.  Other times I failed to record.

Thanks…

HW

 

 

 
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Posted by on June 27, 2012 in Marriage

 

What hurts a marriage

I would like to quote an article I found at thecutekid.com.  I found the article very fitting and I agree with the author 99.99% (LOL).

The article says:

There are numerous articles written about what things can benefit a marriage and how to improve your marriage.  But sometimes it is helpful to be reminded of the attitudes and behaviors that can hurt a marriage.  If we can recognize the things that we are doing that are harming our marriage, then we can work on them.  Eliminating the bad things can at times be more helpful than adding good things.

Here are 10 of the most common things that couples do that can hurt their marriage.

1.  Talking badly about your spouse

2.  Repeating the same behaviours

3.  Talking at your spouse

4.  Not listening

5.  Not saying please and thank you

6.  Don’t say I’m sorry

7.  Being late

8.  Jumping to conclusions

9.  Playing the victim

10.  Spending excessively.

Do you feel guilty you have some of these?  You will know which of mine that led me to write this blog.

You will know soon.

 

 
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Posted by on June 23, 2012 in Marriage

 

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Marriage quotes

“A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.”  – Mignon McLoughlin

The married are those who have taken the terrible risk of intimacy and, having taken it, know life without intimacy to be impossible” – Carolyn Heibrun

“Love:  A termporary insanity curable by marriage.”  –  Ambrose Bierce

I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage.  They’ve experienced pain and brought jewelry.” – Rita Rudner

A man in love is not complete until he is married.  Then he is finished.” – Zsa Zsa Gabor

To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the loving cup, wherever you’re wrong, admit it; whenever you’re right shut up.” – Ogden Nash

What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility.” – Leo Tolstoy

“Love at first sight is easy to understand; it’s when two people have been looking at each other  for a lifetime that it becomes a miracle.” – Amy Bloom

All married couples should learn the art of battle as they should learn the art of making love.  Good battle is objective and honest – never vicious or cruel.  Good battle is healthy and constructive, and brings to a marriage the principle of equal partnership.” – Ann Landers

My husband and I have never considered divorce…murder sometimes, but never divorce.” – Joyce Brothers

Love is blind, but marriage restores its sight.” – Georg C. Lichtenberg

 
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Posted by on June 23, 2012 in Marriage

 

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“I now pronounce you Husband and Wife”

It may be tradition, but the cliche “I now pronounce you Husband and Wife” said by the officiating authority during a wedding rite is important.  It kind of seals the marriage, making the relationship official and soon .to start a family.

What are the responsibilities of the husband and the wife in the family?

1 Corinthians 11:3 says “But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.”  It explains that the husband is to assume leadership in the home.      A role that should not be dictatorial, patronizing or superior attitude towards the wife.  “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and give yourself up to her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the Word.”

Wives, on the other hand, must submit to their husbands.  Ephesians 5:22-24 – Wives, submit to your husbands as to the lord; for the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which He is the Savior.

It is clear from the above verses that love and respect emanate from each responsibility.  If these are present in every home, there will be no reason to break the marriage.

 
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Posted by on June 23, 2012 in Marriage

 

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Marriage

According to numerous sources in the web, marriage is a process by which two people who profess to love each other make their togetherness official and public.  It is a union of two people who vow to be together “till death do us part.”  But some union were cut short by divorce or by annulment.  Despite the many years that this couple had been together, many things happen.  They change – personalities, physical and the love that they felt in the early years of marriage just died naturally.  Relationship stayed on because they couple endured.  They faced their problems and fixed their marriage.

How about you?  How do you manage the many trials that come in between your marriage?  How do you keep the love burning between you and your partner?

 
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Posted by on June 23, 2012 in Marriage