Diary of a hurt wife

Diary of a hurt wife

Page 4, year 2001

Today I went to work and went to see my son in his school (he is now in the secondary level).  He seems OK, not bothered by what happened yesterday.  I asked if his father scolded him.  He answered “No.  We slept early last night.”  

At about 11:00 AM, Zac came up to the my office telling me that his father is waiting outside.  Zac said I should go home because “Daddy said he will burn your things and clothes if you don’t come home with us.”  I told Zac to tell his father that I will go home after work.  But I didn’t.

My mind is in turmoil.  I don’t want to go home, but I am afraid what Freddie might do if I won’t.  He might hurt Zac instead.

I went to see my brother-in-law (Freddie’s brother).  He is a reasonable person; I know he can help and talk to his brother.  I was crying, pouring out to my brother-in-law the real state of our marriage.  I asked him to go and talk to his brother.

The next day, I decided to go home in the afternoon after work.  I told my sister of my decision.  She doesn’t want me to, telling me “Zac could kill you.”


Page 3, year 2001

I was crying while telling my sister my sad life.  My days are black every time my husband is either drunk or upset on something.

About 7:30 in the evening, Freddie arrived at my sister’s house to talk to me.  He didn’t get inside the house and waited outside.  I didn’t talk to him. My sister and Zac did. Freddie tried to convince Zac to go home with him, but Zac refused.  Freddie left alone.

The following day, my sister and her husband went to our house to talk it out with Freddie.  I was praying what they discussed might make him realize that what he did was all wrong.  That it will just make our lives miserable.

My sister told me Freddie was sorry; that it was just psywar for him.  That it was not his intention to harm us.

Convinced that it was all OK, we went home the next day.  Freddie and I talked, patched up everything and as couples, we made love.

It felt good we are a happy family once again.  I thought then there’s peace forever in our home.

But on July 5, it happened again.

We have an agreement that if it rains, I just ride a motorcab.  We own a motorcycle and so not convenient to use when its raining.  So I went home via a motorcab lunchtime on that day.

When I arrived home, Freddie was not there.  Zac said he went out to get me.  I then started to feel nervous expecting Freddie to be angry why I didn’t wait for him.

After about 30 minutes, he arrived home.  Sure thing, he’ was mad.  He said angry words at me. I said that I didn’t expect him to fetch me because of our agreement.  But still he was furious and almost threw a drinking glass full of water at me.  In order to stop our argument, I went inside our bedroom.  He commanded me to get out and eat my lunch.  If I won’t go out, he warned that he will throw all the food out.  I felt ashamed our neighbors might hear us, I went out but didn’t eat.  Instead I covered the food on the table. I told him he was being irrational and went back inside the bedroom.  

I thought the issue was finished, but he followed me inside the bedroom, this time holding a big knife as if to strike me.  Zac then loudly said, “Daddy, don’t!” repeatedly.  I was so afraid and crying heavily.  I wanted to shout and ask help from our neighbors. Zac didn’t leave my side, he warned that I should not talk and just go out and eat. Freddie went back inside bringing a plateful of spaghetti and threatened to pour all of it at me if I don’t go out.

So I went out and ate like a robot.  I was trembling and crying all the while.  My throat was aching, forcing myself to swallow the food.

I felt so devastated, hurting emotionally.  I said to myself that I don’t deserve this kind of treatment from my husband.  I have to end this.

I didn’t go back to my office that afternoon.  I packed some clothes again and went to my father’s house.

Today, June 27, 2012

There is hope.

An hour ago, I received a text message from a lawyer friend asking for my documents which I could use as attachment to my annulment .  I already prepared necessary documents such as my marriage contract, copy of the Barangay (Village) Protection Order, a Medical Certificate, and my diary.

I met him a month earlier, but I did not give the documents to him because I have no money to pay his acceptance fee yet.  I was quoted a sum of PhP50,000.  This is already cheap compared to other readings I had on the net about current asking rate of annulment lawyers.  I am still saving to raise the amount which may take awhile because of other priority monthly obligations like amortization of my house (which my fortunate husband is occupying), son’s school fees and his allowance and for myself.

It seems my lawyer friend will now launch my application.  He told me to meet him in his office this Sunday and to bring the documents with me.

Thank God for giving me a kind and understanding lawyer.

Page 2, year 2001

Freddie whips our son with a leather belt when Zac does something that upsets him.  Zac received this kind of punishment even if he was still 2 years old.  Freddie said it is to discipline him.  I always interfere and we always end up quarrelling. I know it hurts a lot because it bruised Zac.  I don’t agree that belting or spanking is a proper way of disciplining a child.  Freddie once told me that his father whipped them with a guava twig as punishment.  This is the reason why he does it to his son as well.  I told him there are ways to discipline a child and physical pain is not one of them.  But he won’t listen.  Every time he whips Zac, I just close my eyes and silently cry.  I hug Zac later.

This is not the only reason I started hating my husband.  For 10 years I’ve been keeping to myself the bad side of him.  If possible, I don’t want other persons, more so my family, to know the kind of person I married.  I am ashamed.  But I have suffered enough emotional pain.  It has to end.

On December 6, 2000, we attended a town fiesta far from where we live.  We had fun sharing happy moments with close relatives.  It was already late when we went home.  I noticed while on our way home, Freddie’s mood changed.  He became aggressive.  He asked why I didn’t bring left-over food for our dog.  I answered I didn’t see the need because we have dog food at home.  It made him very mad.  He was spatting angry words at me and drove the motorcycle so fast.  I was trembling with fear that we might crash.  I hugged Zac tightly and prayed.

When we reached home, he grabbed my arm and pointed a fan knife at me, angrily telling me he had to work over-time because my salary was not enough.  He looked like a mad person.  I never said a word because I know it upsets him more.

The following day, I left a letter to him telling him what I felt that night.  I wrote all my sentiments.  I packed a few clothes and stayed with my sister for a week.

It was on this day that my family knew the real situation. 

My husband does these things.  He threatens me with a knife, machete, hammer, anything.  One time, he stabbed the bed with a screwdriver and kicks Zac.

Page 1, year 2001

I am 39 years old, married, blessed with one child.  He is 9 years old and is now on 3rd Grade.

My husband is 33 years old, 7 years my junior.

We’ve been married for 10 years now.  I met him in my workplace as new staff in one of the projects our institution was implementing. His name is Freddie.  

I am one of supervisors in the office and Freddie was a project technician.  

He courted me and since I found him respectful, kind and down-to-earth person, it was not hard for me to fall for him.  I know those who knew me were wondering why I accepted him, more so when we got married.  I fall in love and that was good enough reason why I said yes.  I do not care if he has no regular job as long as I feel happy… well, I thought at first though.  He makes me happy, most of the time inside the bedroom.

I thought at first I’ll be proud of my husband even though he is way below me, education-wise.  I thought he is the kindest man and the kindest husband to be and father.  

I never knew this is just a dream.


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