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Lovely quotes from somewhere…

The most terrible poverty is LONELINESS, and the feeling of being UNLOVED…

 

“This year, when so many are hurting in so many ways, try a little kindness, give   a little love. It doesn’t take much; look someone in the eye and give them a warm smile, say thanks to your server, wish someone a good day, give a single parent an extra few dollars so she/he doesn’t have to put things back; pay for a meal or coffee for a stranger, etc… To those lonely and hurting, it may be the only act of love and respect they get, and is appreciated so very, very much.”

 
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Posted by on July 15, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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Love and control

Loving me doesn't give you the right to control me

” Loving me doesn’t give you the right to control me.”

How far would you allow your partner to have control over your life?

Should there be love and pain, always?

Is it love if you are hurting someone? Will you still love if you are that someone?

Marriage is not a ticket to gain control over your partner’s life.

These are just a few thoughts that come to my mind about love and control.

Violence is most likely to happen when you let someone try to control you.  It is a sad thing you see it happening everywhere – in schools, on the street, movie and TV shows, even in workplaces, government – and my own home.

I had been told that I am partly to blame because I tolerated.  I pampered him; gave in to his wishes.  I let him control my life.  I let him abuse me. I let him because I love him.

But not anymore.  I now love myself more. I can’t allow tears to flow all the time. I have to love life.

Love myself and control my own life.

 
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Posted by on July 3, 2012 in Marriage

 

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Emotional abuse

Let me flashback a case of emotional abuse grabbed from The Oprah Winfrey Show:  Oprah investigates:  Emotionally Tortured Wife.  It happened in 2004 yet, but I feel it worthy to recall some tales of emotionally tortured wives because it would appease me that mine is not an isolated case.

This is the story of Kim and Eddie.

Kim and Eddie have been married for five years and have two young boys. They admit they need help. The name-calling, the degrading insults—Kim has hidden the emotional anguish she says Eddie puts her through on a daily basis. Kim says she has often wished it would get so bad that Eddie would turn physically violent—so she’d have “a reason to get out.” How does she feel about herself?

“I feel like the ugliest, most stupid person,” Kim says. “I feel like the worst mother in the world. I feel like I don’t deserve my children. I don’t feel like I’m worthy of love by anybody.”

Kim says she had been in previous abusive relationships, so when Eddie came along, she thought he would keep her safe.

“When I met him, I was happy,” Kim says. “I got a good job. I worked for two years and then everything went downhill after I miscarried. I think I felt like a failure.”

Eddie says that he did not believe that Kim was happy when she met him, and that she’s always had self-esteem issues.

We put cameras inside Kim and Eddie’s home. After watching the videotape of how he acted toward Kim, Eddie was nearly brought to tears. He had no idea his words were that devastating or that his wife was in so much pain.

“I love you, Kim,” Eddie says. “I’m sorry for hurting you and breaking your heart time and time again. I honestly didn’t realize. Thank you for pointing it out to me.”

Kim says she’s leaving the show not completely convinced Eddie will change. “I want him to take me seriously that I won’t put up with it anymore,” Kim says. “If I see on the plane ride home or in the hotel that he’s the same way, then I don’t know how it can be fixed.”

Dr. Susan Weitzman is a psychotherapist who specializes in emotional abuse and the author ofNot to People Like Us: Hidden Abuse in Upscale Marriages. She says that emotional behavior like Kim’s and Eddie’s is often kept a secret because the two usually have a “silent agreement” about the abuse.

“First, [the woman] buys into what the guy is saying,” Dr. Weitzman says. “She buys into [the emotional abuse], and it’s like a systematic erosion of self-esteem. He says she’s bad, and she says, ‘I guess I am.’ Ironically, that bonds them in some crazy kind of way. They both agree that it’s her fault. There’s the feeling of being ashamed and embarrassed, or maybe she’s hooked on hope, as I call it. She’s hoping he’ll change so if she doesn’t talk about it, maybe it will go away.”

I don’t know if Kim had gotten over the emotional abuse and “lived happily ever after” with Eddie.

 
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Posted by on June 28, 2012 in Marriage

 

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There is hope

So true!!

Reshared from Women’s Rights News

Note:

Dear Friends,

I try to update the Diary everyday.  Please come; allow me to share my life.  The Diary contains documentation of my sorrows (and happy moments, I hope) for 6 years.  Other times I failed to record.

Thanks…

HW

 

 

 
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Posted by on June 27, 2012 in Marriage

 

To spank or not to spank

I google searched “how do you discipline your child?” and it gave me about 35million sources.

As parent, do you get lessons about disciplining?  Are lessons necessary?

Do you rely on your parental instinct because the skill will just come out naturally once you’ve crossed the bridge?

Maybe you would say, “well, I was brought up by my parents like this so I will carry it on to my children.”

Sources say that there are different ways to disciplining a child – but the two major approaches to me is either to spank or not to spank.

I would like to share Dr. Phil’s Five Steps to Disciplining Your Kids.  I like his advice because he emphasized that we can discipline our kids without spanking.

1.  Committing Yourself

This is the same as saying – mean what you say.  If you tell your kid he or she’ll be punished for misbehaving, then you have to act on it.  Letting it pass without the punishment will make you less credible.  As result, your kid will do it again because he/she knows mama or papa will not punish me.

2.  Understanding your kid’s limitations

Don’t expect your kid to behave not within his/her capacity.  A child is always a child, prone to commit mistakes again and again.  Tendency is both of you will end up frustrated for not reaching a behavior that your child can’t do.

3.  Knowing what your kid values most

Blackmailing is not good; but sometimes it is effective when you use it to discipline a child.  What your child value may be a toy, a foodie, or more play time.  You can use it as reward even if not his/her birthday or as punishment by taking it away (a toy, for instance) .

4.  Letting your child understand the consequences

Be consistent with your rules.  Your child must understand what he/she gets as punishment to a certain behavior.  This way, your child knows you are serious and he/she is punished because he/she misbehaved.

5.  Stooping down to your child’s reasoning

Be in terms by which your child can understand.  Explain the reasons why he/she is being punished and the kinds of behavior that you want him/her to avoid.  Do not talk about behaving only when the misbehaving happens.  But talk with your child about it at proper times.

Let’s look at spanking as a way to discipline a child.  Those who oppose spanking, mostly child psychologists,  parenting experts or middle-class parents, reason out that spanking can cause emotional damage to a child.  Proponents to spanking, on the other hand, reference it as bible teaching that says “spare the rod and spoil the child”.  They believe that spanking if used appropriately can make a child a better person.  They argue the reasoning of some psychologists that those who experienced physical abuse in early life become violent persons later.

Others believe (as I do) that physically striking a child to discipline him/her is OK.  Not the kind of “striking” that that does physical or emotional harm.  Smacking, swatting or popping a hand is enough to send a message to the child that what he/she did was wrong.

How do you discipline your child?

 
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Posted by on June 25, 2012 in Parenting

 

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“What’s love got to do with it”

What’s love got to do with it is a 1993 film based on the life story of singer Tina Turner. This is directed by Brian Gibson, stars Angela Basset as Tina Turner and Laurence Fishburne as Ike Turner.

Anna Mae Bullock (Tina’s original name) was born and raised in a small town in Tennessee.  Tina had an unhappy family.  Her parents left her and her sister at a young age.  Her singing career started when she was reunited with her mother and sister in St. Louis.  At this time, she met her husband Ike Turner while performing as bandleader.  She moved in with Ike, romance sparkled and later got married.

Tina’s marriage became a nightmare when Ike started physically abusing her.  He got jealous of her fame.  Violence became worse when Ike resorted to using abusive drugs.  Tina battled her chaotic life alone.  She felt confident that her life will become better after a friend introduced her to Buddhism.  It changed her outlook in life.  She finally found the courage to defend herself and left her husband.

Read more about the film from Wikipedia.

 
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Posted by on June 24, 2012 in Movie/film

 

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What hurts a marriage

I would like to quote an article I found at thecutekid.com.  I found the article very fitting and I agree with the author 99.99% (LOL).

The article says:

There are numerous articles written about what things can benefit a marriage and how to improve your marriage.  But sometimes it is helpful to be reminded of the attitudes and behaviors that can hurt a marriage.  If we can recognize the things that we are doing that are harming our marriage, then we can work on them.  Eliminating the bad things can at times be more helpful than adding good things.

Here are 10 of the most common things that couples do that can hurt their marriage.

1.  Talking badly about your spouse

2.  Repeating the same behaviours

3.  Talking at your spouse

4.  Not listening

5.  Not saying please and thank you

6.  Don’t say I’m sorry

7.  Being late

8.  Jumping to conclusions

9.  Playing the victim

10.  Spending excessively.

Do you feel guilty you have some of these?  You will know which of mine that led me to write this blog.

You will know soon.

 

 
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Posted by on June 23, 2012 in Marriage

 

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